Doors

I love doors. They are so cool.

Think about it. Doors are movable walls--they are the way to get in, through, and out of where you are.

Doors offer privacy and freedom, security and opportunity.

A closed door gives off the air of mystery. An open door invites people through. A creaky door speaks, and a old door creeks.

There is great power and possibility in a simple door.

There are also a great many quotes about doors:




"The door to happiness opens outward." Unknown

"Prayer is the key to heaven, but faith opens the door." Unknown

"Kind words unlock an iron door." Turkish Proverb

"Education is the key to unlock the golden door of freedom." George Washington Carver




Most of us are probably family with the saying, "When one door closes, God opens another." I've always love that saying. Sometimes door get shut in our face--or perhaps when we are even standing in the doorway!

I love the idea that God is looking out for us, that He knows what is being each door, where they lead to. There have been many times in my life when I have felt overwhelmed at choices before me, and sometimes discouraged at the apparent lack of choices.





I take courage that I am not only in house of life. He opens the doors that we need. In turn, He often closes the ones that we don't.  He opens doors that I am not strong enough to open myself--and doors that perhaps I didn't even see myself.




Sometimes it's hard with there is a particular door that I really want to go through and it's closed.

I pray and plead with the Lord. I tell Him all the reasons why that door is THE door for me. I push and push my ideas and my will on Him, and still it won't open. Doesn't He know what I want?





Of course He does. He wants me to be happy.  Fortunately, He knows best how to do that, and, when I allow Him, He helps lead me towards and through the doors that can bring me that happiness.




Even doors that I can't see.


My favorite quote that I've found is this one by Ralph Waldo Emerson: "Every wall is a door."

With God directing our paths, there really are no walls--no obstacles that can stop our progression. There is nothing that can keep us from His love (Romans 8:38-39). Even when we cannot see the door, if we keep our eyes directed towards Him, He will show us the way--even when we can't see it ourselves.

He knows us. He knows which doors will bring us the greatest joy. He knows where we will do the most good. And He knows what experiences will offer the greatest growth. He knows just where to guide us.

Though the doors may not look like what we may have thought, we just need to have the faith to trust Him.

And go through the door.

Purpose

Ah, the joy of innocence!  When we were children every day was filled adventure and fun. We spent careless afternoons playing in the mud and grass, or inside with blocks and toys. We enjoyed our food without guilt, and we didn't care if we were fat or skinny. We just loved our little lives.

Then we grew up. The bills came. The pressure came. The responsibilities came. And the wonder of life seemed not so wonderful at times.

Oscar Wilde once said, "To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all."

Here is the question, then: What is the difference between living and existing?


Some would say it's fun, others a career. But, I think it's Purpose.

When we have a purpose, we have a reason for what we do. We have a goal. We have a desired outcome, a drive behind our actions.

When we have a purpose, we understand that there is some other reason--external and internal--for our existence.

There is a reason we are who we are, why we are here. And that purpose defines what we do and how we see ourselves.

It brings richness and color to our world, perspective in our pain, and a deeper joy in our live.

So, what is our purpose?

There is a great purpose that applies to everyone who has ever lived, now lives, and ever will live: To become like Jesus Christ--to mold our character, through faith and obedience, and to experience joy.

But, what your purpose?

I don't know. But God does. Ask Him. I bet he'd tell you. You'd be surprised at the depth and breadth His purpose for you will add to your life.

As much as I love the word Purpose, I love it even more when coupled with two other words, live and on, to create this phrase:

That means to live deliberately. Don't just exist. Live. Take each step for a reason--each breath for a purpose. Dedicate each day to Him. Find a lesson in your struggles, beauty in the clouds, hope in the face of a child, joy in service, and marvel at the wonder you are.

Live on purpose. Do something good. Make something worthwhile. Be better than you were yesterday. Act, don't be acted upon.

Live on purpose. Don't waste your time. Refuse to be a slave to addiction or grudges. Stop being a prisoner of insecurity and doubt.

You have a purpose. So, live on purpose.

And love your life.

Roller coasters Scare Me

The older I get I notice a few things: I make funny noises when I bend over, I say things like "Kids theses days," and I worry more about things I didn't used to.

I don't mind the first two. They are both rights of passage, in a sense. But, I worry about the last one (talk about irony!)

When I first met my husband I told him I wanted to sky dive. I really did. It was an exciting notion: to fly!

But, now, I remind him constantly to wear his seat belt and slow down when he drives over the speed limit.

I don't find joy in roller coasters as I used to, either. For some reason, I have it stuck in the back of my mind that if there is a chance something bad could happen, that I would be the one it happens to.

Terrible, isn't it?!

It's actually quite sad, too.

This middle-aged fear hasn't kept me from doing a lot of things, but it has definitely kept me from enjoying a lot thing. Now, I'm not riddled with fear, and afraid to leave the house, but I do find that I allow the 'what-ifs' to ruin many things I used to enjoy.

I was thinking about that this morning, and I realized something really powerful. Something that I already knew, but didn't seem to fully understand.

I often say, "Faith is a choice." But, this morning, the words came to my mind, "Fear is choice."

And, so, this morning, I decided not to be afraid anymore.

Yes, I know it will be much harder to do that do say, but the point it, it is my choice to try to make that happen.

2 Timothy 1:7 states: For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

Fear is really the act of allowing the thoughts of what you do not want to have happen overtake the what is actually happening.

That's all it is.

When I am on a roller coaster, rather than enjoying the wind in my hair, the fun dips and turns, I have the image me flying off the rails because of a rare malfunction. I do not enjoy the ride. Not because it wasn't enjoyable, but because I am so focused on what I don't want to happen that I cannot enjoy what it actually happening.

It is the same with driving. I worry that others won't be as much attention as me and will cause an accident.


A person that allows themselves to be tainted by fear (yes, I said tainted) is also someone who values control. The more control we have, the less we think we have to fear.

This cycle of thinking is very damaging, especially when it comes to our own human relationships. We fear we will be dumped, so we dump them first. We fear we aren't worth being loved, so we don't allow people to love us. We fear our teenagers will make poor choices, so we force ourselves on them.

I see no good that comes from fear.

Yes, I hear you. You're saying, "But Michelle, isn't fear of snakes good? Doesn't fear keep you safe?"

God doesn't intent fear to keep us safe. That is why he gave us our minds: to think, to consider, to decide what is good for us. In verse 7 it says that God gave us a sound mind. He expects us to look at risks and consider them accordingly--and even to pass by certain things (and relationships) because it is clear the risk is too great. But He doesn't expect us to miss out in life because of fear.

The past few years I've really embraced doing things that scare me (playing church basketball), but I need to take it a step further. Beyond just doing things in spite of my fear, I need to enjoy them as well.

Last weekend I attended a Writer's Conference. While I was there, I met with and pitched two of my books to two publishers.

It was scary.

But I did it.

They both bit, and requested to see my work.  After a final push to ensure a quality submission, I put all the information together in two separate emails. . . then pushed 'SEND.'

I was so excited.

Then I got scared.

I then started wondering if I should have checked it just one more time. Then I started worrying I had forgotten something, or sent the wrong thing. Then I began to fret that they wouldn't like it.

This morning, as I checked my email to see if they'd responded yet (even though it takes weeks, even months, for them to reply) I realized what I was doing: I was letting fear ruin reality.

That's when I decided not to be afraid anymore.

Rather than be afraid that I'm not good enough, or that they won't like my work, I am choosing to have faith in myself and in God. I did my best, and if it doesn't work out, I'm sure God has another plan for me.

Faith feels much better than fear.

I am excited for this new freedom from fear. As I change my focus from the negative 'what-ifs' to the positive 'what-is' I know I will open myself up to more happiness and joy, and less stress and worrying.

It is not God's intention for us to live in fear. In fact, His Son, Jesus Christ, tells us to fear not, only believe.

If fear a thief of moments, joy, and possibility, then faith is the liberator.

This doesn't pertain only to things of a spiritual nature (religion, testimony, etc) but to all things in life--even roller coasters and relationships.

So, as of today, this very moment, I choose not to be afraid any more. And it feels good.

The Moment of Truth

I write a lot on my blog about the power that we have withing ourselves to make the right choice.  I write often of faith, strength, perspective and enduring.

Those are all easy things to write about when the sea is calm.  But what about when the storm comes? Is it as easy to say, "Thy will be done?" or "The Lord qualifies those He calls" when the the sea is no longer still?

One day, not too long ago, a storm came into my life.  A big one. All the things that I knew were put to the test: God's will is the best for me; He will give me the strength to do hard things; I can be happy in the middle of struggles; I willingly carry my cross because that is how I become like my Savior.

In the first moments I faltered.  The realization of the terrible storm brought tears of frustration, anger and even resentment. I didn't not want this trial.  I did not sign up for it.  I did not think I could endure it. It was too much to ask.  Can He make it go away?

The moments turned to hours. The tears came and went, then came again. The doubts, frustrations and anger went sent through prayer to heaven with no answer in return.

Then, soon after I had the chance to hear the answer given to me through my good husband: This is our burden to bear, our load to carry. And we are asked to carry it because we can, and we will.  Heavenly Father will give us the knowledge, the patience and the understanding we need to get through it.  There is wisdom in all things- even the painful ones.

I hated that he was right, so I cried a little more. I wanted to fight, I wasn't willing to accept just yet.

Then he bought me chocolate cookies and I stopped crying.

He reminded me of something I would often say, "Just because life is easy doesn't mean it's good, and just because life is hard doesn't mean it's bad." He smiled and said, "We can do hard things, Michelle.  And we can do this."

Then came the moment of truth: the moment where I had to make a choice: The moment I decided how I will respond to the storm.  Will I continue to scream at the wind and the waves as they thrash me about? Or will I put on the protective gear and do my best to steer the boat through the storm? Do I let anger, resentment and frustration take control? Or do I make the choice to believe and do?

In that moment I chose to stop yelling at the waves, and to steer the boat.  Almost immediately I began to feel a little better, a little lighter and a little hopeful.

He bought me a chocolate shake and I began to smile.

I am still in the middle of the storm.  The waves are so tall that I cannot seem to see past them. My boat has been rocked and I feel seasick. I have done an inventory of my abilities and found that I am seemingly unqualified to steer the boat.  But, I know who can see the entire sea, and He is telling me things will be alright.  I choose to believe Him (and my husband.)

And, for the first time, even in the middle of the storm, I feel peace.

Happiness

Well, my class on the Basics of Happiness was tonight.  There was a good turn out, and I loved the feedback from the women.  This is a bare-bones outline of the class:

Happiness comes from 4 main sources:

    1. Our sense of worth/value

    2. A feeling of accomplishment and/or success

    3. Love- giving and receiving

    4. Selfless service

WHEN OUR EXPECTATIONS (AND HOPES) ARE ACHIEVED IN THESE AREAS, WE FEEL A LEVEL OF HAPPINESS, OR CONTENTMENT

That is why a person who values money and fame can feel an honest sense of happiness and satisfaction when he reaches his goal.  Without qualifying or quantifying that happiness- it is happiness to them all the same.

There are 3 ways to gain/increase happiness:

1. Genetics: There are optimists and there are pessimists.  The cup is seen as either half full or half empty.  We all perceive a certain level of happiness in our lives because that's how we are wired. Our innate perception, no matter how positive or negative, doesn't change the amount of water in it.

2. Created: No matter what level of happiness we are genetically disposed to, we were all born with the capacity to create additional happiness based on our choices and efforts.

 We can look at the main sources of happiness and ask ourselves: How is the definer of my value and the author of my expectations and goals? Hollywood says my size 12 is fat- so does that lower my feeling of value or worth? Society says that I should have a spotless home and career and have my children involved in all kinds of sports and music - so are those my expectations for myself, too?

If happiness comes when our expectations are met, then it is our responsibility to make sure our values and goals are of God's, not the worlds.

With the power of PERSPECTIVE and our purposeful CHOICES, we can find happiness.  As we align our will with Gods, as we begin to see ourselves and our lives through His eye, our goals will change, our expectations will change, the way we love and allow ourselves to be love change, and the way we serve others will change.

I love the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Prayer is the key to creating happiness.  We can pray for perspective, and courage to make choices that will ultimately brings us the greatest happiness- living God's will. My brother put it perfectly in his comment on the last post: For the Baptist preacher, the key to happiness is converting a soul to God. For the teenager living in Southern California the key to happiness is "making it big" as an actor. For an African, the key to happiness is having pure, disease free drinking water for her children. The key to happiness can be defined by several different desires and passions, so I would suggest context is a profound qualifier for the lesson, which I am sure you have prepared!! For me, as a father of four, an unemployed recovering addict, the key to happiness for is twofold. First is knowing through personal prayer what the will of the Father is for me, second, being brave enough to do what He expects of me. It is only when I have successfully accomplished matching both understanding coupled with action that I feel happy. Otherwise, life sucks. 

Aristotle said: "Happiness is an activity of the soul in accordance with virtue." As we choose to live our lives in accordance with virtue, or God's will for us, we create happiness for ourselves.

3. The third source of happiness is that happiness which is Given: Even after all I can do, my cup is not full.

George Q Cannon said: It is not given to men and women on the earth to be entirely satisfied, if they seek for satisfaction and happiness in worldly things. There is only one way in which perfect happiness can be obtained, and that is by having the Spirit of God.”


Perfect happiness, or complete happiness, can come only as a gift from God through the Spirit.  You may have felt it in your life already.  There are moments when I look at my children and I see them as He does, and I am overwhelmed with joy.  That is a gift.


There are moments when I am driving and saying a prayer of gratitude, and I feel an added measure of peace and happiness.  That is a gift.


There are even moments when I am in tears, on my knees, just praying for something, and I have felt the calming and reassurance rest of happiness and love.  That is a gift.


After all we can do, we are still deficient.  But, through the tender love of a Heavenly Father and the miracle of our elder brother's Atonement, we can be made whole and perfect.  Even in something as simple as happiness.


One last thing we talked about along with Perspective and Choice was Gratitude.  Gordon B Hinckley said: "Gratitude is of the very essence of worship. … When you walk with gratitude, you do not walk with arrogance and conceit and egotism, you walk with a spirit of thanksgiving that is becoming to you and will bless your lives". Sincerely giving thanks not only helps us recognize our blessings, it also unlocks the doors of heaven and helps us feel God's love.” 
 

The question was asked: Can you feel happiness when things are hard or you are sad? The answer is a resounding, YES!

Life wasn't meant to be continuous moments of happiness and glee.  There are trials, there are troubles, there are pains and sadness. But, if we can be grateful for all the moments in our lives, and see them for what they are - all opportunities to grow- then we can still feel a sense of happiness even in our darkest moments.  Especially when those darkest moments are what bring us closest to God.

Happiness isn't all joy, laughing and giggles.  Perfect happiness is peace, strength, perspective, faith, courage and action.  Happiness is living a life tandem to God's will, taking full advantage of the blessings of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and loving them, yourself and those around you.

We have the power, and the obligation, to create happiness within ourselves.  Joshua said, "Choose you this day whom you will serve."  WE have a choice- who will we look to to define our worth and set our goals and standards.  

As we make honest and concerted efforts to choose His ways, He will bless us with an added measure of happiness and joy, until our happiness is full, complete and perfect.

The irony of it all is that today was a really tough day for me. I started out the day in tears of frustration and sorrow, and ended it with tears of gratitude and happiness.  My circumstances didn't change, but my perspective did.  I made the choice to see things differently.  And when I did, I was rewarded with a peace and comfort and happiness that I know did not come from me. What a blessing this has been for me in my life.

Gordon B Hinckley also said: "Cultivate an attitude of happiness. Cultivate a spirit of optimism. Walk with faith, rejoicing in the beauties of nature, in the goodness of those you love, in the testimony which you carry in your heart concerning things divine."

I hope you have success in finding and creating and receiving happiness in your lives.

The Door is Open

I have a chocolate lab named Tess.  We love her and she is madly devoted to us. She is a sweet dog that has moments of brilliance, but for the most part is not that bright.  For example, often times when open the back door to let her outside, she will walk onto the patio, then turn around and come right back into the house - even when I know she needs to "go potty" (yes, we talk to our dog like she is our forever-toddler.)

This morning was no different.  She hadn't been out since last night so I knew she needed to go.  I opened the back door.  She walked onto the porch, then immediately turned around and stared up at me, tail wagging.  She would have come back inside but I was still standing at the door.

"Go potty."

Stare.

"Go potty."

Stare.

"Go potty!"

Pitiful stare.

Finally, I just walked away from dumb dog on the porch and the open door, fully expecting her to follow me inside.

But she didn't.

She stood there for a minute and stared through the open door.  Then she turned around and ran out the to grass.  Soon after she came running back inside and straight to me as if to say, "I did it! Are you proud of me?"

I looked at my dumb dog then back at the open door. Then it hit me.

Tess knew was she needed to do.  But it was only when the door was left open - not closed to her- that she went to do it.  When she knew there was a way back in the house she felt she could go.

I realized then that Tess wasn't so dumb. In fact, she is a lot like us.

We used to live in this beautiful place with our heavenly family.  It was our home. We loved our Heavenly Father, and he loved us.  He loved us so much that He created this earth for us so that we could learn and grow. We don't remember that life before. That was purposeful, so that we might be able to develop faith in this life.

So, here we are, in this sometimes very cold, world.  Just like Tess, we sometimes find ourselves staring back home and not wanting to budge.  It's scary down here.  It's hard down here. I am hurting.  I feel alone. 

Luckily (although it isn't really luck) the door has been left open for us.

Life can be hard and scary.  And sometimes we just want to feel safe - feel peace - like we did when we were "home." But take heart. The door is open.  There is a way home.

The Savior has opened the door, through His Atonement. And He has shown us the way back home. So let's have courage in tough times, and faith in the night. Let's find joy in our imperfections and strive to be more.  Let's love and serve others while loving ourselves.  Let's learn of His commandments, and follow Him. Let's be like Paul and "fight the good fight."

The door is open. We can go about our work here with faith and confidence.  We will never be left out. We will never be lost.  We will be forgotten. There is a way home.

As I type this, Tess is lying on the floor at my feet.  Her tail is gently thumping in peaceful contentment.  She is home.

No, she isn't so dumb after all.