My New Year's Evolution

I love goal setting. I'm amazing at it. Give me a pen and paper and I can have a color-coded list of goals and resolutions that could make the coldest man weep. Now, keeping them.......that's another story.

I love making New Year's resolutions. I think it's the idea of a fresh start. To me, that's what life--what the Atonement of Jesus Christ-- is all about: fresh starts. We all mess up. Every single one of us. But, hope is found in the principle that we can start anew, try again, that we can be better tomorrow than we were today. It is liberating, leaving and breathing optimism. I love it!

This isn't a debate on whether or not everyone should make New Year's resolutions. I think if we were living right we'd be making new resolutions far more often than once a year. But, since Thursday does mark the beginning of the new year, why not start now?

My friend Joanne shared with me something at church she'd read in an article about New Year's resolutions. Something like this question was asked, "How can I stick to my New Year's goals and not fail?" His answer was an interesting one. He noted that many of our resolutions or goals tend to be huge changes. He advised that rather than focusing on resolutions, that we focus on evolutions. Those would be small, almost imperceptible changes in our routine that, over time, will change us for the better. Rather than focusing on an overhaul of who we are, we focus on evolving who we are. I love that concept! I love the idea of growth and progression, especially when it is pursued in small, manageable steps.

As I've thought about my New Year's resolution list over the past weeks, it was becoming quite long and a bit daunting.  I planned to lose 25 pounds, read the scriptures all the way through in Spanish (no, I don't speak Spanish, but my son is serving a full-time mission for our church and is teaching in the Spanish language. I thought it would make me feel closer to him.) I also wanted to finish and get published the 4 books I'm working on, plus homeschool my youngest, get a part-time job, read my English scriptures an hour a day, exercise an hour a day,and not eat ice cream in 2015 (my most insane goal EVER). And that wasn't the end of my list.

I can tell you right now that I am a comfort eater, and if homeschooling is in my future, ice cream needs to be as well, so there is one failure right off the bat. I can see me failing reaching these goals in so many ways, but I was determined to try.

But now I'm not going to.

I'm not going to make New Year's resolutions this year.  I want to make New Year's Evolutions. I want make those small changes that, in a week or a year, will reap big benefits and changes. When I focus on who I want to be (evolution) rather than the things I want to do (resolutions), I found that my goals had changed.

This is now my New Year's Evolution list:

I want to be more patient, so I will take  two deep breaths when I feel the pang of impatience hit.
I want to have greater self-discipline and be healthier, so I will work on exercising every day and eating smaller portions.
I want to be closer to my Heavenly Father, so I will focus on saying more sincere prayers and finding His truths in the scriptures on a daily basis.
I want to have more gratitude, so I will focus less on the things I don't have and more on the things I do.

My focus isn't on doing what I think I should do, but being who I think I should be. And the magic of that kind of evolution is that by striving to be who I should be, I will, by default, do what I should be doing. It's change from the inside out, not outside in.

That's my goal for 2015, my New Year's Evolution evolution: To be a better me. To be more like Him.

The Charity Project- The Beginning

Confession Time:

I taught a lesson the other day in Gospel Principles class at Church on Charity.  The more I studied the lesson, the more I realized how much I need to learn, and how very much I need to improve.

The promises associated with having charity are beautiful, and I want to lay claim to them.  I also want to do all I can to become a better person- the best I can be.  But, Charity is a nebulous topic, a virtue so vast and wide that it is impossible to master, let alone understand, in one day.  Or maybe even a lifetime.

Anything worth having takes work. and I want to work on obtaining charity- becoming a charitable person.

One of my favorite mantras is "Learn, Do, Be." If you want to become something, Learn about it.  Then Do what you've learned. Only then can you become it.  So, I am setting out or Learn and Do, with the hope that someday I will Become.

It's a project I hope that will help soften and heal my heart, that will help me become more patient, kind, loving.  It's a project that I hope will make me happier.



It's The Charity Project.

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First, I decided to  Look up Charity on LDS.org.  It's a great resource when looking up topics in the scriptures.


There are 53 scriptures with the word charity in it. This is what I got:


What Charity is: kind, love, patient, the inability to let others around us suffer, a bond of perfectness and peace,  everlasting love, perfect love, pure love of Christ, rejoices in truth, beareth all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

What Charity isn't: envious, arrogant, selfish, easily provoked, evil-thinking, mean, does not esteem himself above others.

What Charity does: Covers a multitude of sins. Allows us to inherit mansions above. With faith and hope, it causes us to abound in good works. Charity edifies us. Brings us closer to the Savior. Qualifies us for the work of the Lord.

How we get Charity: Out of a pure heart, good conscious and faith unfeinged.

Other interesting facts: We are COMMANDED to have charity. IF you don't have Charity you are nothing. It never fails. Charity should be the motivator of our actions. Good actions are empty without Charity. If I could move mountains, prophecy and have all knowledge, if I have not charity I am still nothing. If we have not charity, we might lose our talents and gifts.

Values associated with Charity: Faith, hope, sober, temperate, patience, lowliness in heart, meekness, kindness, knowledge, patience, goodliness, virtue


This verse, in particular, struck me:

Doctrine and Covenants 121:45

45 Let thy bowels also be full of charity towards all men, and to thehousehold of faith, and let virtue garnish thy thoughts unceasingly; then shall thy confidence wax strong in the presence of God; and the doctrine of the priesthood shall distil upon thy soul as the dews from heaven.

It provides a very visual picture for me.  Charity is what drives my heart. Virtue drives my thoughts. When my thoughts and my heart are pure, then shall my confidence, testimony and knowledge grow and wax strong. It's a beautiful scriptures.


There is so much to learn, and I will continue my study of charity through the scriptures, teachings of church leaders, good books, etc. But, I cannot wait until I learn everything to start doing.

That's where the "Project" part comes in.

I am an inherently kind and loving person, but I am not filled with charity. I want to be, and it starts with desire.

I wish getting charity was as easy as going to the local store and picking some up; but it isn't.  It's going to be work.  And when I do a job, I like to have order. I like lists and goals, charts and programs (although I lack in consistency and follow-through. Go figure!)  To I'm going to make specific and tangible goals in my life that I hope will help me become more charitable. Some will be small, and some will be bigger- but that's because I have small and big things to work on.

Throughout this process I will be praying specifically for Charity. I will also begin a personal study of the life of my Savior. He was the ultimate example of charity.

One of the fascinating things about charity is that there is not direct path to it. It must be obtained through other values.  As I practice patience, I can gain charity. As I practice service, forgiveness, kindness, love- through all of these things I can obtain charity.

As I obtain charity, these values grow stronger as well.

It is a beautiful circle, a circle that has a beginning.  And that's with me and my choices, my goals. Some of my goals will be big, some smaller, some will make sense, some won't.  Some will be easy, some will be challenging. But I hope they each take me one step closer to becoming more like my Savior, filled with His perfect love.

Along with specific prayer and study, each week I make two specific goals, a value goal, and a service goal:

1. Not being reactive: When I get frustrated with people- kids, spouse, the guy with 25 things in the 12-items-or-less line at the grocery story, or the person that has said hurtful things to me- I am going to take deep breath and count to five before I speak or respond.

2. Service: I prayerfully look for two opportunities to serve in places outside of my home.


I chose to use this blog because writing gives me a sense of accountability. And, for me, when I write something down, my feelings or goals, they become more real to me.  And, it's my blog and I can do what I want. :)

If you'd like to join me, I'd love to have you!  If you already have charity, I'd love to know how you got it!  And, if you think I'm crazy...well, join the club!

Pleasure Write- God's Will

Have you ever gone on a pleasure drive? Where you have no specific destination, but you simply drive for the enjoyment of it.

Well, that's me today.

I love to write, and want to write, but really have nothing profound or inspirational in mind.

So, I thought I'd just write and see what comes out.

Maybe I should be like this in life more: It's ok if I don't always know where I'm going- sometimes I should live just for the enjoyment of it.

That's not always easy to remember.

I like to plan things.  Everything has a purpose and a place (although you wouldn't know it looking at my closet right now!)

So, when my plan changes, sometimes I feel like my purpose does.

This happened to me recently.

As long as I could remember I've loved working with people.  Since I was a newlywed I have wanted to be a family and marriage counselor.

I wasn't smart with my education before marriage, so I had a loooong way to go.

Then the kids came.  Boom- fifteen months, then -Boom.

All of the sudden I had two little kids and my plan changed.  Luckily, so did my purpose.  I was a full-time  mom and loved it.  Although the dream of going to college was still in my heart and mind.  But, I was young, and thought there would always be time later.

Over the years I have taken a few courses here and there as scheduling allowed- but I have yet to get a degree.

Then, the reality hit my like a ton of bricks the other day.  Someone asked me what my plans are with my college/counselor goal.

I realized then that the plan is outdated.  I am 40 now.  My youngest is 8, which doesn't allow for full-time schooling.  Going to school part-time consistently will give me a Masters degree in 12 years.  That means I will be a young 52 when I enter the competitive world of psychology.

Then, when I get a job- IF I get hired above the 20-something prodigies- I would be able to work for 13  years until I retire, with all the money going to pay off all the student loans I took to get my degree.

I realized sitting there that that ship had sailed. All those years I put it off because "I can always do it later." And now it was later.

And now it was too late.

I'll admit, a small part of me died.

But, here's the miracle.

The larger part of me was really OK with it.  In fact, I was at peace- because I knew that my life was just what it should be.   I knew that, despite my personal plans, I had made every major decision with my husband and my Father in Heaven.

I knew that I was right where He wanted me to be.

My plans had changed, but my purpose was never more clear.

What an amazing and unexpected gift that was.

As I sit and think about it, I am grateful for the path I took.  I am grateful for class I traded to hold my kids.  (I could have passed on the toilet-cleaning parts.  I never got warm-fuzzies scrubbing a toilet.)

I always wanted to be a counselor because I enjoyed it, I thought I had some talent, and I wanted to do good in the world.

As I went through this experience (all in the matter if seconds, unbeknownst to the kind woman who asked me the question) I realized and felt a peace knowing that God knows my talents, and He will use me for whatever purpose He has, if I follow Him.

That made me feel good.

At the end of this rambling pleasure write (which I have very much enjoyed writing) I actually arrived at a destination I hadn't intended but am grateful for.

I feel a peace with the direction my life is headed- even though it looks different now than the picture I've had in my head for 16 years.

I understand that His ways, purposes and plans are above mine- and I am happy for it.

Things didn't go my way, my plan won't work.  But I don't care.  I am happy, and it's because I've lived the plan that He set for me.

There is a sense of unexpected freedom and anticipation about my life now.  That makes me smile :)

So, we'll see what happens next, where He would have me be.

Honestly, maybe His plan isn't that I wasn't a counselor, but just that I lived a life with Him as my partner in all things.  I don't think God wants to run our lives like a puppet master.  He simply knows us better than we know ourselves (given our temporary state of ignorance, amnesia and humanity.)

His will isn't to run- or ruin- our lives; but to guide, enhance and complete them.

Even if we aren't what we though we would be, if we listen to Him, we can be even more.

Hm.  Good write.  I should do this pleasure writing thing more often. Lol.