A Good Old-fashioned Pep Talk

I've been married for 16 years now.  My husband and I have learned a lot about each other in that time.  He's learned that I am emotional.  I've learned he's not psychic.  A few years ago I was really struggling with something.  My husband, like most men, is a fixer.  Out of love, he started coming up with all kinds of solutions to my "problem."  But, I didn't want to be fixed.  I just wanted to be heard.

Finally, in frustration, he says, "I don't know how to fix this, Michelle!"

I replied, "I can fix it myself.  All I need you to do is listen.  Then tell me that I am alright and things will be OK!"

And that's just what he did.  He looked me right in the eyes and said, "Michelle.  You are more than alright.  And, yes, everything will be OK."

Just those few words brought a flood (albeit a small one, but just what I needed) over me.  That's all I wanted to hear.  I didn't want what felt like advice, a lecture, solutions or anything.  I just wanted to know I'm not a moron and thing would turn out fine. And, even though I told him what do say, I knew he truly felt that way.  I just needed and old-fashioned pep talk. And I needed to hear it from him.

Knowing that my husband has all the best intentions, but still is not psychic enough to know what is in my head, I decided to take a fairly proactive approach to my needs and make things easier for him, and better for me. So since then, when I am having a mini (or large) breakdown, I will simply tell my husband at the beginning of my rant, "I don't want you to fix things.  I just want you to listen.  I just need to hear you say that I am alright and that everything is OK."  And he does. And I always feel better.

I met with a dear friend that other day over breakfast.  She had just been through a very traumatic experience and I wanted to talk with her about it.  I was worried about her.  We met and I listened for two hours to her talk and, a few times, shed tears.  At the end of the conversation she noticed I was smiling.  Taken aback she asked me why.

"I'm smiling because you don't need any help at all.  You are doing a lot better than you realize.  Everything is going to be just fine, and so are you. You just need to see it."

She wasn't expecting me to say that.  And, I'll be honest, neither was I.  I came fully prepared to talk with her about prayer and faith and being strong and all that stuff that we say to each other.  I lover her and I wanted to help her. But, she didn't need to be fixed or to be helped.  She was actually doing pretty well- she just didn't realize it.

Sometimes life is challenging. Life throws us a curve ball, we make mistakes, and sometimes it's just plain hard! So, today I want to offer a good old-fashioned pep talk - just for you.

Ready?

You are alright.  And everything will be OK.

No advice.  No fixing.  Just saying:

You are alright.  And everything will be OK.

Sometimes we get surrounded by our trials that it is hard to feel in control.  We try to make sense of everything.  We question what is happening, and maybe even why. We look out our situation, which undesirable to say the least, and question how to make it better, how can it be fixed. Will it ever be the same?

Trials can be hard enough alone.  But we can complicate matters when we don't stop there.  We begin to question ourselves. We question our ability to cope and survive- IF we survive. We worry that we will fail, not only ourselves, but those around us who need us.  We take the role of the sole pillar of strength and tell ourselves that if we fall, everything around us will.  When we question and doubt ourselves, it steals our ability to manage ourselves.  We are our own kryptonite.

The adversary would have you believe that you are weak. He is the thief of hope and the strength.  He knows that when you feel powerless, you will act powerless.  He wants to blind you to the fact that even when you are hurting and struggling.

 But, just know this: You are doing better than you think you are.You are stronger than you realize.  You will make it through.  

During difficult times, it might be tempting to not only question yourself, but to question God.  That is, perhaps, Satan's most favorite weapon.  He would have you wonder if God loved you why would He let this happen? He would have you doubt God can hear you.  He would have you even doubt there is a God.  

But, know this: God is real.  He does love you.  He hears you.  He will support and guide you. He has faith in you. He is ultimately in control- and as you have faith in Him, it will be OK.

I know that life can challenging.  As you read this right now, you might be hurting. You might be struggling.  You might be doubting yourself and your decisions.  You might be wondering if you have the strength to cope.  Your faith might be wavering.  Your heart might be breaking.  You might be confused.  You might be tired.  You might even be crying. But listen to me and believe what I say:

You are alright.  And everything will be OK.

(Imagine a big hug through the internet,too)

PS: There is an awesome quote by Victor Kiam that says: "Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward."  Now- trust yourself, trust God, and move forward. And tell yourself: I am alright. Everything is going to be OK.

Pride Cometh Before the Putting Green

A few years back my husband and I took the kids miniature golfing.  I was having a great time.  The weather was beautiful, the kids were behaving, and I was winning.  

At about the 3rd hole my husband started giving me advice on my grip.  By the 7th hole I had grown tired of his "help."  Little did I know this was the start of a three-way conversation that would change me forever.

Me: "Look, I don't need your help.  I am the one winning here." 

Jerey: "Um, I think you have a pride issue."

               

In my head: Whatever. You're a sore loser.

Me: "No, I don't.  I just think you should focus your efforts on your game rather than mine.  Maybe then you might catch up."

     

God: You have a pride issue.

          

Me to God: Oh, I didn't know you were here. No, it's not pride, I'm just better than they are.

Jerey: "You need to get a better grip on something other than your golf club."

          

God: Yes, you do.

          

Me: "Maybe, but I am still winning."

           

God: Not when you are prideful.

I won the miniature golf game that night, then I pouted the rest of the evening.  They were right.  I had an issue with pride.  The kicker is that I hadn't really realized it before.  After that I began to look at other facets of my life for evidence of pride.  Sad to say, I found it creeping in everywhere. So,I started to study pride. I mean, how bad can a little pride really be?

I have a really great reference book that contains scriptures and quotes on all type of topics.  I looked up pride in the index.  It said "See Sin."   I looked up Sin in the book.  Pride was right after murder.  That's a pretty good indicator that pride is pretty bad.

What is pride? I guess the most basic definition is when we boast in and put faith in our own wisdom, power or possessions. We compare ourselves to others who have less and feel more.  We take credit for our own accomplishments, rather than given credit to the one who created us.

I didn't realize I had an issue with pride.  Do you think you do? 

Ask yourself these questions and give HONEST answers.

1. Is it hard for me to admit my own faults?

2. In arguments, am I usually right?

3. Do I get angry when someone offends me?

4. Do I deny help, especially when I really need it?

5. Do I ever feel better than other people?

6. Do I ever boast about my achievements and results with friends?

7. After I win an argument with someone, and I begin to think I was in the wrong, do I let it go?

8. Do I take credit for the gifts God has given me and who I am?

9. Do I boast in my own strengths?

10. Do I get angry when I receive criticism?

11. Do I refrain from doing things that would be embarrassing?

12. Do I get angry when people don't agree with me?

13. Am I critical of other people?

14. Do I interrupt others often to share my thoughts and comments?

15. Do arrogant people really annoy me?

If you answered "yes" to any of the above questions, you have a pride issue.

My guess is you are a great person, but you did say yes to at least a few of the questions above.  And you might even be surprised that you have an issue with pride.  I mean, what's the big deal about having some pride, right?  

Well, pride leaves little room for humility, teachability, selflessness, gratitude, and love.

Pride is one of Satan's greatest tools- and one of his oldest.  Prophets of old warned: Jacob- "O that ye would listen unto the word of his commands, and let not this pride of your hearts destroy your souls." Malachi-"For, behold, the day cometh, that shall burn as an oven; and all the proud, yea, and all that do wickedly, shall be stubble."

Notice how Malachi spoke of the proud AND the wicked.  For those who profess to be Christians, most are actively seeking to erase wickedness and sin from their lives.  Some are very good at it. 

I have known many Christian people who lead such clean and good lives, that they begin to relish in it, to the point of looking down on others who don't live the same kind of life.  

Satan would have you puffed with pride, thinking you are better than the sinner, the poor folk, the rich folk, your neighbor next door.  Pride gives false security, a skewed sense of worth and confidence, and blinds us to the reality of this life and who we really are. This is how proud destroys the soul.

The moment we let pride into our lives, we begin to exclude the very God that made us.

It took something as small, yet powerful, as a golf game to help me see that I struggle with pride. I had never really thought about it before.  I had confidence and I knew I liked to accomplish things on my own merit.  Somehow, somewhere, those good intentions grew into pride.

As I work to get rid of pride, I have found a new sense of peace and direction.  My worth does not come from a comparison of others (although I do suffer a lame-avalanche once in a while).  I find that I am more grateful to God for the unique person that I am.  I don't have to win at everything (although, I still love to compete.)  I can laugh at myself more.  I can see more good in others.  I can see my weaknesses without shame.  My relationship with God has grown stronger. 

One of the greatest outcomes of my pride-purging battle has been gaining a deeper understanding of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and how it applies to me.  When I understand that I have no chance without forgiveness, and that forgiveness is truly a gift, I am humbled.  Humility opens the door to blessings.  Blessings bring growth and perspective. I recognize who I am and my place in this world.  I am no better, and no worse, than any other person out there- even if I am winning at miniature golf.

On the putting green years ago, my husband lovingly (mostly) told me I needed to get a grip on something else besides my golf club.  He was right. Everyday I try to get a grip on pride and replace it with humility. 

I am not completely pride-free. I'm not sure if there are many out there who have reached that level of humility.  But, if I'm as good at that as I am at miniature golf, I'd say I've got a good shot.

The Lame Avalanche

An innocent cough, the drop of a snowflake, or the landing of an innocent bird.  These things sound harmless and benign, but each, if happened at the right (or wrong) moment, can trigger a devastating Avalanche.

My avalanche started a few days ago.

I watched a show on TV featuring  a few "Mommy bloggers."  They were all  looked put-together.  They all did crafts or photography.  They all wildly popular blogs with hundreds of followers. They said things like, "It's so easy to blog.  Just blog what you love and you'll be successful and everything will turn out great.You can be happy like us."  OK- they didn't say exactly that, but that's what I heard. They were successful bloggers and if I did what they did, I could be, too.  And to top it off, they were all skinny.

I looked up their "Mommy blogs."  They wrote every day about their husbands, their 20 children, their carpooling, their crafts, their photography, and they do make it all sound so brilliant and wonderful. They even made snotty noses sound appealing.   I saw pictures of their beautifully manicured children and clean houses. Depressing.

I read them and felt envy. Then I felt a touch of inadequacy.


The proverbial bird had landed.  And the avalanche began.

I began to wonder if I should have a blog like theirs. I thought I'd give it a try.  My first attempt was titled, "It's 3pm, I haven't showered, there is a strange smell coming from somewhere in my house that I can't pin-point, my kids have no clean clothes, I have a headache, I just plucked 5 gray hairs from my head this morning, and the kids are out of school for the summer, now what?"  Lame. It never got posted.

I began to think:  I just needed to accept that I am never going to be crafty, or be an awesome photographer, or have the literary ability to make snot stories  sound cool,  or anything awesome like those ladies. Lame.

I felt bad that I wasn't like them. Lame. Lame. Lame.

Then the avalanche picked up momentum.

This weekend a good friend of mine questioned my blogging.  They are not a fan of blogging in the first place, thinking it is just a waste of time. They told me it seemed like I needed to "save the world" with my blog and thought my efforts might be better spent somewhere else.  Then I began to question not just my blog, but myself.

The avalanche began to hijack rational thought.  It was not only crashing into my blogoshpere, but started wreaking havoc in other areas of my mind.

Not only is my blog lame, but oh yeah, my muffin-top is lame.  And my messy house is lame. And my  10 year old clothes in my closet are lame.  And my parenting style is lame. And my sense of humor is lame. And my..... The list went on and on until it culminated into the final death-blow: I am lame.

So, it is because of this lame-fest that I written for a while. I just haven't felt I had anything not-lame to say. Now that is lame.

Tell me, has this ever happened to you? Or am I alone in this total Lame Avalanche?

Have you ever been going along, just fine, then one little thing sets you off and an avalanche of comparison, doubts, self-pity and junk start flowing?  Then, they feed off each other and soon you are having the biggest pity-party ever? Have you ever felt just totally lame?

Well, I'll tell you one thing: feeling lame is very tiring. I am exhausted from all this lameness! Self-pity is very taxing.

I've made a decision to stop the lameness, and reverse the lameness avalanche.

Kudos to the skinny "Mommy Bloggers."  I can be happy for them and still be me.
Hats off to my muffin-top.  I had two cupcakes yesterday and they were DELICIOUS!
My sense of humor is awesome- to the three people that get me.

And, I love my blog. Even if some people don't.

Most of all, I like me.  I'm not lame.  True, I wear super-old clothes, have a stream of unfolded laundry and can't bake bread without burning it.  But, I can see deeper meaning in a soda can. I am an expert at Guitar Hero.  And I can eat close to a half-gallon of ice cream and not get sick.

And in my own way, I help people think about God. That's the furthest thing from lame that I can think of.

My guess is that if you think about it, you'll find that you are pretty far from lame yourself :)

Happiness

Well, my class on the Basics of Happiness was tonight.  There was a good turn out, and I loved the feedback from the women.  This is a bare-bones outline of the class:

Happiness comes from 4 main sources:

    1. Our sense of worth/value

    2. A feeling of accomplishment and/or success

    3. Love- giving and receiving

    4. Selfless service

WHEN OUR EXPECTATIONS (AND HOPES) ARE ACHIEVED IN THESE AREAS, WE FEEL A LEVEL OF HAPPINESS, OR CONTENTMENT

That is why a person who values money and fame can feel an honest sense of happiness and satisfaction when he reaches his goal.  Without qualifying or quantifying that happiness- it is happiness to them all the same.

There are 3 ways to gain/increase happiness:

1. Genetics: There are optimists and there are pessimists.  The cup is seen as either half full or half empty.  We all perceive a certain level of happiness in our lives because that's how we are wired. Our innate perception, no matter how positive or negative, doesn't change the amount of water in it.

2. Created: No matter what level of happiness we are genetically disposed to, we were all born with the capacity to create additional happiness based on our choices and efforts.

 We can look at the main sources of happiness and ask ourselves: How is the definer of my value and the author of my expectations and goals? Hollywood says my size 12 is fat- so does that lower my feeling of value or worth? Society says that I should have a spotless home and career and have my children involved in all kinds of sports and music - so are those my expectations for myself, too?

If happiness comes when our expectations are met, then it is our responsibility to make sure our values and goals are of God's, not the worlds.

With the power of PERSPECTIVE and our purposeful CHOICES, we can find happiness.  As we align our will with Gods, as we begin to see ourselves and our lives through His eye, our goals will change, our expectations will change, the way we love and allow ourselves to be love change, and the way we serve others will change.

I love the Serenity Prayer:

God grant me the serenity 
to accept the things I cannot change; 
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Prayer is the key to creating happiness.  We can pray for perspective, and courage to make choices that will ultimately brings us the greatest happiness- living God's will. My brother put it perfectly in his comment on the last post: For the Baptist preacher, the key to happiness is converting a soul to God. For the teenager living in Southern California the key to happiness is "making it big" as an actor. For an African, the key to happiness is having pure, disease free drinking water for her children. The key to happiness can be defined by several different desires and passions, so I would suggest context is a profound qualifier for the lesson, which I am sure you have prepared!! For me, as a father of four, an unemployed recovering addict, the key to happiness for is twofold. First is knowing through personal prayer what the will of the Father is for me, second, being brave enough to do what He expects of me. It is only when I have successfully accomplished matching both understanding coupled with action that I feel happy. Otherwise, life sucks. 

Aristotle said: "Happiness is an activity of the soul in accordance with virtue." As we choose to live our lives in accordance with virtue, or God's will for us, we create happiness for ourselves.

3. The third source of happiness is that happiness which is Given: Even after all I can do, my cup is not full.

George Q Cannon said: It is not given to men and women on the earth to be entirely satisfied, if they seek for satisfaction and happiness in worldly things. There is only one way in which perfect happiness can be obtained, and that is by having the Spirit of God.”


Perfect happiness, or complete happiness, can come only as a gift from God through the Spirit.  You may have felt it in your life already.  There are moments when I look at my children and I see them as He does, and I am overwhelmed with joy.  That is a gift.


There are moments when I am driving and saying a prayer of gratitude, and I feel an added measure of peace and happiness.  That is a gift.


There are even moments when I am in tears, on my knees, just praying for something, and I have felt the calming and reassurance rest of happiness and love.  That is a gift.


After all we can do, we are still deficient.  But, through the tender love of a Heavenly Father and the miracle of our elder brother's Atonement, we can be made whole and perfect.  Even in something as simple as happiness.


One last thing we talked about along with Perspective and Choice was Gratitude.  Gordon B Hinckley said: "Gratitude is of the very essence of worship. … When you walk with gratitude, you do not walk with arrogance and conceit and egotism, you walk with a spirit of thanksgiving that is becoming to you and will bless your lives". Sincerely giving thanks not only helps us recognize our blessings, it also unlocks the doors of heaven and helps us feel God's love.” 
 

The question was asked: Can you feel happiness when things are hard or you are sad? The answer is a resounding, YES!

Life wasn't meant to be continuous moments of happiness and glee.  There are trials, there are troubles, there are pains and sadness. But, if we can be grateful for all the moments in our lives, and see them for what they are - all opportunities to grow- then we can still feel a sense of happiness even in our darkest moments.  Especially when those darkest moments are what bring us closest to God.

Happiness isn't all joy, laughing and giggles.  Perfect happiness is peace, strength, perspective, faith, courage and action.  Happiness is living a life tandem to God's will, taking full advantage of the blessings of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, and loving them, yourself and those around you.

We have the power, and the obligation, to create happiness within ourselves.  Joshua said, "Choose you this day whom you will serve."  WE have a choice- who will we look to to define our worth and set our goals and standards.  

As we make honest and concerted efforts to choose His ways, He will bless us with an added measure of happiness and joy, until our happiness is full, complete and perfect.

The irony of it all is that today was a really tough day for me. I started out the day in tears of frustration and sorrow, and ended it with tears of gratitude and happiness.  My circumstances didn't change, but my perspective did.  I made the choice to see things differently.  And when I did, I was rewarded with a peace and comfort and happiness that I know did not come from me. What a blessing this has been for me in my life.

Gordon B Hinckley also said: "Cultivate an attitude of happiness. Cultivate a spirit of optimism. Walk with faith, rejoicing in the beauties of nature, in the goodness of those you love, in the testimony which you carry in your heart concerning things divine."

I hope you have success in finding and creating and receiving happiness in your lives.

What is the Key to Happiness?

I am going to teach a class about this on Tuesday.  If you live in my area, you are invited to come.

This topic has been on my mind a lot lately.  I have my own ideas, but I want to hear from you. Even if you don't usually leave comments, please just take a second to tell me what you think is the key to happiness.

I'll post my thoughts later in the week after my class.

Spalories

There is an empty soda can sitting on my desk. In big letters it brags, "0 CALORIE." That means I can drink it and not gain any weight.  I don't want to gain weight, so I drink it.

Sometimes, when I am hungry, I will drink my 0 calorie soda to satisfy my craving.  I feel full and I didn't take in any extra calories!  Sounds like a win-win. But it's not.

The other day I was in a hurry.  So, instead of eating lunch, I grabbed a soda so my stomach would stop making noise. It worked.  My stomach stopped making noise. But, by the end of the day, even though I had ingested plenty, I had, in reality, taken in little nutrition. Our bodies need proper nutrition to feel strong, fight diseases and to function at it's fullest capacity.  It takes great care and attention to nurture and feed our bodies the right way.

Our soul need the same care and attention. It would be great if our spirituality could be measured in something like calories. For fun, I'll call them spalories (spiritual calories).  Spalories are vital to our spiritual health and well-being. We must take in healthy, good spalories so our spirits ( our testimony and spirituality) will be strong, fight temptation and function to it's fullest capacity.

There are many ways to get spalories.

Here is short spalorie chart:

Prayer: 500 spalories ( add 100 bonus spalories for kneeling.  Add 300 more for crying tears of gratitude or pleading)


Scripture Study: 500 spalories


Attending Church meetings and activities: 1000 spalories


Doing a selfless act of service: 600 spalories


Sharing your testimony: 1500 spalories (that is sometimes really scary!)


Hugging your children: 200 spalories.


Reading this blog: 300 spalories (just kidding.....or maybe not!)

You get the drift.  There are many things we can do that are worth plenty of spalories. I'm sure you can add plenty more to the list.

Let's say I need 2000 spalories a day for proper spiritual nutrition. I could pray twice a day and read my scriptures and be almost completely nourished.

But, Satan has come up with his own 0-spalorie replacements.  He would rather you partake of his goods than those that provide real spiritual nutrition.

Here is the adversaries 0 spalorie chart:

Standing in front of the mirror giving dirty looks at your thighs: 0 spalories


Yelling at your kids: 0 spalories


Being critical of others: 0 spalories


Watching inappropriate tv shows and movies: 0 spalories

The list goes on and on.  You could spend a lot of time on these activities and have a zero spalorie balance at the end of the day! In fact, if you do these things often enough they can actually take away from your spalorie reserve!

What's a spalorie reserve, you ask?

Great question!

We know that testimony and spirituality are not static. They either grow or shrink each day, depending on our spaloric intake. If I don't get enough spalories, my testimony and spirituality lessen- even if it is just by the slightest, imperceptible degree. But, if I meet or exceed my daily spaloric intake, my testimony and spirituality will grow stronger. And, if I go way over and above that amount, I will create a spiritual foundation of spaloric reserve!

But, if I neglect my spaloric intake, and replace it with 0-spaloric activities and attitudes, my reserves with quickly shrink.

Are all 0-spaloric activities bad? No. I like a good reality TV show once in a while.  But, it is bad when it replaces high-spaloric activities, like when I replaced my healthy lunch with a soda.

Bottom line: Feed your soul. God has given us countless ways to take in spalories.  The numbers above are just for fun. Figure out for yourself your spaloric intake.  Make a spaloric goal for yourself.  Find the things that are high in spaloric value that you just love, and indulge yourself!

Watch what you say and do.  Ask yourself, how many spalories is this worth? How many spalories do I need to nourish my soul today?

Love your spalories, love yourself!  I think that's my new slogan!

Little Lucy

I remember the day I heard about Lucy and her accident.  It was Sunday. I was walking down the hallway to teach my 5 year old class when a woman in the hall stops me and tells me a frightening story.  Little Lucy, the young baby daughter of our friend from church, had been taken to the hospital. No one knew exactly what had happened, just that she had been hurt.

By the end of Sunday services, most of the congregation had been made aware.  Meals had already been scheduled to be brought in.  Care for Little Lucy's older brother had been taken care of.  Prayers had already been whispered.  Some tears had already been shed.  Little Lucy was loved by all of us, as was her good parents. 

Through phone calls and subsequent visits, we learned that that Sunday morning, Lucy had been playing on the floor as her family readied for church.  They had just moved into a new home and she was having fun exploring the family room.  She was beginning to walk, and would often pull herself up onto furniture and other items to stand up. This particular morning, Little Lucy crawled over to the gas fireplace. She pulled herself to a standing position on the hot glass, leaning her full weight on her small hands.  Her quick-thinking parents immediately sought medical care. It was a long day of tears, doctors, praying and waiting.  

After a few days in the hospital, Lucy was able to come home.  My husband and I paid the family a visit. Little Lucy was already in bed.  We sat with her parents.  They were understandably tired.  As we listened to them retelling their experience, I was moved by their faith in the face adversity.  My heart ached when they told me of the pain and suffering Lucy had experienced.  I thought to myself how grateful I was that it was over.  She was home now, safe and warm in bed. It was then that her mother told me of Lucy's recovery process.

The doctors had performed skin grafts to save her hands.  They wrapped her hands and arms up to the elbows to allow protection as they healed. During the healing process, Lucy's palms needed to be stretched to prevent the skin on her palms from healing too tight. Stephanie, Lucy's mom, smiled through tired, wet eyes as she explained to my husband and I that this had to happen not once or twice a day, but once very hour. 

Does it hurt? I asked.  The answer was a tearful, Yes, but it's the only way for her hands to heal correctly. If the palms weren't stretched, the skin would heal too tight and Lucy would not be able to open her hands fully as she grew older.  Oh this poor little girl! was my first thought. Not only to have endured such initial pain and trauma, but to have to experience pain over and over again. How heartbreaking!

The following Sunday I ran into Stephanie and Lucy in the bathroom at church. It was time for the hourly hand stretching.  I watched as she put smiling Lucy on the counter and talked softly to her.  Then she gently held her hand.  Lucy pulled back and began to whimper.  She must have understood what was about to happen.  Then, calmly and gently, Stephanie pulled Lucy's fingers back to stretch the healing skin.  Each time she did this, small tears appeared in the healing skin.  It was necessary for proper healing and mobility. Lucy cried.  Stephanie spoke the tender words of a loving parent, "I know it hurts. I'm sorry.  We are almost done. You are doing so well. Mommy's right here.  I love you."  I turned my head to the floor.  I felt I was invading a private moment between mother and daughter. I was also trying to hide my tears.  I wasn't merely watching a painful, yet tender exchange between child and parent.  It struck me that I was witnessing a profound representation of the relationship between me and my heavenly parent.

There are many times in my life where I have struggled, where I feel tired and stretched.  My younger prayers had often been, "Heavenly Father, how can you let this happen to me?" It was difficult for me to understand how feeling so much pain could be for my benefit.  I thought that if God loved me, He would save me from such pain.  But it was not the case.

Little Lucy hurt herself, even though she was not fully aware of what she was doing.  She had loving parents that helped to her heal.  Even though it hurt, they knew that stretching her hands would lead to full use of them in the future.  Temporary pain now would lead to full recover later.  Her parents knew this, so they stretched her hands for her benefit, even though it broke their hearts to do it.  Out of their deep love for her, and their understanding of the necessity of the stretching, they not only allowed Lucy to hurt, but had to be the instigators of the the pain. It took great courage and strength, but they did what was hard now, but best for Lucy in the long run.

It might have been easier for them to say, 'No, we don't want Lucy to hurt anymore.  She's been through enough.  We want to protect her.  We will not stretch her hands.'  But, they were looking at the situation through the eyes of loving parents. They were not just looking at and loving Little Lucy now, but they were also looking at and loving Lucy of the future: Lucy the future piano player, Lucy the future mother, Lucy the future artist, Lucy with full use of her hands.

When we feel stretched and are suffering, it might be easier (and what we think we want) for Heavenly Father to say, 'No, I don't want you to hurt anymore.  You've been through enough. I want to protect you.  I will not stretch you anymore.'  We would, momentarily, be free from pain or discomfort.  We might feel relief and happiness.  We tend to think about us and our pain. 

But, our Father in Heaven loves us dearly and perfectly. He does not find any joy in our suffering.  He knows it is the only way. Heavenly Father is not only looking at and loving us now.  He is also looking at and loving our future selves. He knows in order for our hearts to heal, it will hurt.  He knows for us to grow, we need to be stretched.  He knows that for us to become like Jesus Christ, we need to change, and sometimes that change only comes through adversity. 

Watching Lucy get her hands stretched was difficult for me.  I knew it hurt her.  And I knew it hurt her mother to do it.  That was about three months ago.  I saw Lucy at church today, bandage free and happy as can be.  You can still see the healing grafts.  But you can also see the mobility in her hands, and the nearly full use she has of them.  This is credited to the doctors that worked on her. But ever so much more to the sacrifice, hard work, dedication and love of her good parents. 

What a powerful example this family was to me and the entire congregation of the power of the love of a parent, and a Heavenly parent. It reminds me there is purpose to my suffering.  It also helps me to understand that my Father in Heaven allows me to suffer because He loves me; and that it is not an easy thing for Him. It gives me hope that I can be healed, that pain is only temporary. Now, when I am being stretched, I can hear my Father telling me softly and lovingly, "I know it hurts. I'm sorry.  We are almost done. You are doing so well. I'm right here I love you."