Just One Question

This is a repost from 2011. Partly because I love it, but also because, in the exercise of reviewing the past year and looking forward to the New Year, I would still ask just this one question.

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A few years ago my job at church was to teach a class of 5 and 6-year-olds each Sunday. They would say the cutest things.  One Sunday the lesson was about staying pure and making good choices.  There was a point in the lesson where we talked about Jesus and what He would do in certain situations.

Then I asked them a question: If they could meet Jesus face to face today, what would they ask Him?

I loved the questions they came up with.

"I would ask Him how He got here."

"I would ask Him out He made the earth."

"I would ask Him how He made the scriptures."

"I would ask Him what He likes."

"I would ask Him how I can help Him."

I asked myself the question, too.  If my Savior came to my home today, sat on my couch and said I could ask Him anything- what would I ask? 

What would you ask Him?

Honestly, I would probably want to ask Him all the questions the kids shared today, and then some.  Then I would thank Him for all He has done and will do for me. 

But, what if I could only ask one question?  Out of all the questions in my mind and heart, what one question would I want answered more than anything. After much thought, I finally picked on out.  

If my Savior came to me and I could ask Him one question, it would be this: May I hug you?

I know it sounds strange.  I mean, here is Deity that knows everything, that is everything, that could tell me anything, and I ask for a hug.  Why?

I'll tell you why.  I already have a knowledge of the gospel and Plan of Salvation, I already know where I came from and where I am going.  I already know about His life.  True- there are millions of missing details, but I already know everything I need to get me back to my Heavenly Father without ever seeing my Savior facet to face. (Blessings of being a member of His church.)

But, what I have longed for (rightly or not) when I pray is to feel more: to feel Him more, to be comforted by Him more.  I have even been known to plead in prayer for eternal arms to hold me tight and bring me peace. 

So, even though I would love to know exactly how the Atonement works and what that was like for Him, I already know that the Atonement is for me, and that it works in my life.  

And even though I would want to know how He performed healing miracles, I already know that He has healed my heart and my body more than I can count.

Even though there is so much I want to know, there is one thing I want that can't be learned, taught or told: I want to know what it is like to be held in the arms of the One that loves me purely, has sacrificed all, and wants my happiness more than any other (aside our Heavenly Father.)

So, that's my one question.  

I'm curious, what would your one question be? 

Pornography: Fighting the Real Enemy

Yesterday I wrote a post on Facebook about pornography. (See below). I was fascinated by the responses, not because they didn't all agree with one another, but because the conversation became fixated on the book and movie mentioned in my post. I feel, in a sense, the heart of the post got lost. I am not fighting against one book or one movie. 

I am fighting for the women and men who have been (or might be) damaged by pornography, and against an insidious industry that does thwarts the reality of what love really is.

Pornography has been called the modern plague. It has also been called the new drug.  It is dangerously addictive and destructive. I have seen it damage relationships, lifestyles, and people's sense of worth. It is tragic.

One of the most harmful effects on one who struggles with pornography is shame. Shame kills hope and love. They feel ashamed, dirty. Broken. It is a shame that settle so deeply into their soul that they take it for truth.It changes their ability to see themselves as they really are--as God sees them. It is heartbreaking. 

So much has been spoken about the danger of pornography, how we must fight against it, how awful it is. And I wholeheartedly agree! But, in our quest to fight pornography, let's not cause more casualties. Sensitivity and compassion are key. Shame is something we should help free people of, not hit them with.

It is a harmful addiction, but there is hope. There is a way to get through it, to overcome it. As we fight this good fight, let us do all we can to to place the shame where it belongs: on the people at the heart of this industry, not those who suffer from it.

One of the things I love about the gospel of Jesus Christ. It illuminates the hope in the world. All things can be overcome. In it is healing and strength, purpose and direction.

We have the power to choose light. Shame makes people feel as though they don't deserve light. But that is not true. They do.

As we fight this modern plague and strive to protect our families and loved ones, let is not be bashers of people, but beacons of hope. Every person matters. You matter.

Yes, I fight against pornography. But I also fight for hope, healing, compassion, and the escape from the prison of addiction. Addiction isn't a life sentence. It can be overcome. And it starts with one step away from the darkness towards the light. And I don't want to be in their way.

As we stand together to fight pornography, lets us also stand together to help the victims of it. Pornography kills love. Let's not do the same. Show compassion. Don't judge. Extend hope. Illuminate love.  And let's fight the good fight together.

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"Pornography comes in many forms, but the damage is the same. It numbs the spirit. It thwarts the realness and power of love. It creates a need and desire for more of itself.

It is dangerous and debilitating. And it is wrong.

It is also widely accepted as accepted as cool or ok. It is neither.

The porn industry is a billion dollar market that, behind the camera, produces victims of hundreds of young girls, many of which have no idea what they are going to go through in film. On the other side, it sells the message that is demeaning and demoralizing. It produces addiction, shame, selfishness, and so many other unhealthy, damaging, and perhaps even debilitating effects.

It also creates victimizers. Ted Bundy said in an interview once that he tracked the genesis of his twisted and murderous ways to pornography. It left him wanting more and more. That was the greatest commonality he shared with the other murderous inmates in his block. They were all addicted to porn.

I once watched an interview of a famous actress on the Tonight Show a few years ago who said her favorite thing to do on the road was watch late night porn in her hotel room. She giggled and the audience applauded her for her brave confession. And yet, when a friend of mine, Tara, writes an article about the the damage caused by books and movies like 50 Shades of Grey and she receives hate messages.

Courage isn't redefining what is right. Courage is fighting for what is right.

And I choose to fight for what is right.

Pornography is wrong. It is harmful. It is dangerous.

If you are a proponent for pornography, I invite you to reconsider. If you are victim or addict of pornography, I invite you to find help. If you fight against pornography, I invite to you to stand with me and my friends like Kirsten and Tara.

Let's fight for real love, the dignity of women, true strength, and for our rising generation of boys and girls who look to us to teach them how to be happy, healthy adults, how to have healthy relationships and strong families, and what love truly is.

Let's stand for what is good. Let's fight for what is right. Together."

The Wizard was Wrong

I love the Wizard of Oz. When I was young I wanted to be Dorothy. She was brave and adventurous- mostly because she had three guys doting over here. (Yes, I know- a scarecrow, tin man, and a lion aren't marriage material- but they loved her so.)

As much I love the story, I have one beef with the wizard. When the tin man wanted a heart, the wizard said, "A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others."

Even as a young girl, this ideology didn't sit well with me. I loved a lot of people. I simply loved love. But I wasn't loved by a large number of people.  So I doubted the worth and condition of my heart. And that led me to doubt myself.

Now that I am older, I am beginning to understand that a heart shouldn't be measured so much by how others feel about or perceive you. That is a classic case of misplaced power.  I believe that our heart can, and will, be measured by how, and how much, we love others.

To be loved by many isn't so much an indicator of the condition of your heart, but a bi-product of a good-hearted person who happens to have a large circle of influence.  Does that mean the heart of a good person who lives in a small circle of influence is any less loving and good? Of we delve deeper, we could probably point out a few very undesirable, even down-right bad people who seemed to be loved by the masses.  To be loved deeply by just a few is a great and noble thing, but that does not guarantee I am a good person, or that I have a good heart--just that I am surrounding myself with loving people.

We are told in the Bible that out of all things, including faith and hope, charity--which is pure love as Jesus Christ loves--is the greatest. We are commanded to love, not commanded to be loved.

I think I love more people than love me. I love my family (who love me back.) I love my neighbors, my friends, some acquaintances, and even some strangers. I even try to love my enemies (whom I know for sure don't love me.)

I'm pretty sure I do love more people than love me. Will my heart by judged negatively because of that? I don't think so.  My goal is to become like my Savior. He loved everyone. Still does. He wasn't loved by everyone. Still isn't. Some despised Him enough to kill Him.

He was not loved by all- but He loves all, perfectly.

That is how I want my heart to be. I don't want to focus on being loved. I want to be able to love fully.

Do I want to be loved? Of course! Don't we all. But, we cannot control how others feel about us. We can only control how choose to love.


Love is a choice. And it is that choice to love that our hearts will be judged by.

What Language Do You Speak?

I met a woman over the weekend who spoke to me of the 5 languages of love:

1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Physical touch
4. Gifts
5. Service

She made an interesting observation that most people speak in the language they wish others would speak to them.

For example, if a person gives a lot of compliments, than the language of affirmation is important to them. If the person gives quality time to others, then quality time is important to them. If a person gives gifts to others to express their love, then gifts are important to them, etc.

She mentioned the language that she loves is quality time. That is how she shows her affection, that is what she loves.

I wondered if that rule is hard and fast: you speak the language you desire yourself. So, I thought a lot about it this weekend. (I love things that make me think.)

I enjoy recognizing the strengths and goodness in people and letting them know the positive things I see about them. So, I guess the language of affirming words is the language I speak. But, does that mean it's the language I want to hear?

What do you think? What language do you speak? And do you speak the same language you wish others would speak  you?

For me, I think I might be a little different. I do love words of affirmation now and then  (IF they are sincere) but I really value time more. I love the idea that there are certain people I love to just be with, and they love to be with me. We don't have to shower each other with compliments, or give gifts (although- again- not bad things.) I just love being with them.

Although I tend to offer lots of words of affirmation (because I believe in the power of words, and I really do think we don't hear enough positive things spoken to ourselves- especially by ourselves) I feel so much more love when someone simply says, "I want to be with you." Whether it's sitting by someone at lunch, going to a movie, or even connecting over the phone.

But that's just me.

I know some who are not comfortable expressing themselves verbally, or even socially, so they give gifts to show their love. Others give service. Other give hugs ( I do love a good hug- but, if you're going to hug me, use two arms please. If you're going to do it, do it right. Lol.)

I don't think any language is bad, if real love is behind it. (Anything can be tainted and/or ruined if it is given falsely or their intentions are duplicitous.)

So, I'm curious. What language do you think you speak? Is it the same language you want people to speak to you?

Sandy Hook

Sandy Hook. Two words that, apart, hold a plethora of meanings.

But together, they mean only one thing: Sorrow.

I am watching an interview right now of the father of a 6 year old boy who was killed last week while sitting in his kindergarten class.  The emotion on his face is raw and moving. And his message was even more moving.  He was not angry, nor was he calling for gun control, revenge, or anything else.  He simply said he hoped this tragedy would remind the people of the true meaning of Christmas: Love.

That is the word he hopes people will think of when they hear the words Sandy Hook.

He loved his son, and his son love him.

His voice cracked and his chin quivered as he spoke of the affect of the outpouring of love from all around the world.  That love has helped support and sustain him during this time of unfathomable loss and sorrow.

It was love that he wanted the world to remember, to give, and to receive this holiday season.

I loved him for his courage, and his nobility in his response.

This season I will do just what he has asked. I will remember love. I will give love. And I will receive love as well.

God be with all those that have been so deeply affected by this tragedy. May He bless them to feel His love, and ours, at this time. And may we live our lives with an added measure of love every day.

The Charity Project - 2

I really need to be careful what I pray for.

Last week I made a goal to find two opportunities to serve outside of my home.  The first one came when a sweet friend was hit, head on, by a drunk driver Tuesday night.  I was able to visit with her in the hospital, and offer some help to the family.

Then, another friend fell and broke five ribs.  I was able to visit her in a different hospital.

I thought I'd pray for more opportunities to serve outside my home this week- but I think I'll hold off on that goal and go for something different!



As I've been studying, pondering and learning about charity this week, I came to two realizations.

1. Charity is a gift. It can only be obtained if it is given to us by Heavenly Father.

2. Charity is the only value that cannot be directly obtained. Meaning- if you want to become patient, you practice being patient. If you want to be kind, you practice being kind. If you want to be giving, you practice giving, etc, etc.  But, you cannot say, "I want to have charity" and practice having charity. You either have it or you don't.  BUT- the way to get it is by practicing all the other valued that are associated with it.  As you practice patience, kindness, understanding, love, etc you will be rewarded with those values, plus Heavenly Father will endow you with charity. That's why the only scripture I could find that talks about charity says that it comes from a pure heart.



Last week I looked up scriptures about charity. Today I looked up some quotes, and these are some that I found.

"Real charity is not something you give away; it is something that you acquire and make a part of yourself...." Marvin J. Ashton


"Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down; or resisting the impulse to become offended when someone doesn't handle something the way we might have hoped. Charity is refusing to take advantage of another's weakness and being willing to forgive someone who has hurt us. Charity is expecting the best of each other"  Marvin J. Ashton


“Our words, like our deeds, should be filled with faith and hope and charity, the three great Christian imperatives so desperately needed in the world today. With such words, spoken under the influence of the Spirit, tears can be dried, hearts can be healed, lives can be elevated, hope can return, confidence can prevail. … May we all rejoice in the thought that when we say edifying, encouraging things unto the least of these, our brethren and sisters and little ones, we say it unto God.” Jeffrey R. Holland


“Love is one of the chief characteristics of Deity, and ought to be manifested by those who aspire to be the sons of God. A man filled with the love of God, is not content with blessing his family alone, but ranges through the whole world, anxious to bless the whole human race.”  Joseph Smith


“Too often, charity is extended to another when his actions or conduct are acceptable to us. The exhibition of charity to another must not be dependent on his performance. It should be given because of who we are—not because of how we behave.” H. Burke Peterson


“Never assume that you can make it alone. You need the help of the Lord. Never hesitate to get on your knees in some private place and speak with Him.”  Gordon B. Hinckley

"Hope is one leg of a three-legged stool, together with faith and charity. These three stabilize our lives regardless of the rough or uneven surfaces we might encounter at the time... Hope in our Heavenly Father's merciful plan of happiness leads to peace, mercy, rejoicing, and gladness. The hope of salvation is like a protective helmet; it is the foundation of our faith and an anchor to our souls."
--Dieter F. Uchtdorf


I love the one below:


"The things we hope for lead us to faith, while the things we hope in lead us to charity. The three qualities faith, hope, and charity working together, grounded on the truth and light of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, lead us to abound in good works."
--Dieter F. Uchtdorf


The things we hope FOR lead us to faith, while the things we hope IN lead us to charity.

What exactly does that mean?

The way I see it- the things I hope FOR is that Jesus Christ really is my Savior, that God really is my Father in Heaven, that the Holy Ghost really does testify of truth. I hope that my trials will be dedicated to my benefit and that my prayers will be heard.

The things I hope IN are the principles of faith, love, honesty, patience, service, kindness, laughter, goodness, commitment, sacrifice and so on.

The things that I hope FOR cause me to have faith.

The things that I hope IN allow to me be given charity.

Very cool!


So- my goals for this week:

1. Continue to pray specifically for charity.
2. Do something nice for someone I may not be too fond of.
3. Give up one hour for service (to be determined through prayer during the week.)


I will report next week on how it goes (not that anyone reads this blog other than me! But, it helps me to be accountable, even if it is only to myself!)

Hopefully my pursuit of charity won't include any more hospital visits!!

He told me again...

Sometimes the simplest of words bring the greatest joy.

I have no profound insights, no allegories or metaphors.

I just wanted to say that I love God.

And, I know that He loves me.

I know that because I've asked Him.  He's told me many times before, but this morning, while I was alone, I asked Him again.

And He told me again.

He hears me.

He loves me.

He knows me.

He watches me.

He blesses me.

He hopes for me.

He loves me.

And He loves you, too.

Love Much?

I was flipping through my scriptures today and came across Luke:47 where there is a story about Jesus that I love.  He was invited to eat at a Pharisee's house. A woman, who was a sinner, heard he was there and came to meet him.  She brought an alabaster box of ointment. Then she proceeded to wash his feet with her tears and hair then anoint them.

The Pharisee wasn't too happy with it.  He must have thought the woman dirty and beneath him, for he said, "This man, if he were a prophet, would have known the manner of woman this is that touched him; for she is  a sinner."

The Savior's response was beautiful.  He said, When I came to your house, you didn't offer me water or a kiss, you didn't offer to anoint my head with oil- but this woman came here and anointed my feet.

Then he said,  ...Her sins, which are many, are forgiven; for she loved much.

Then in verse 50 the Savior said to the woman, "Thy faith hath saved thee. Go in peace."

I love formulas.  A + B = C.  Here the Savior teaches us that Faith + Love = Forgiveness.

With courage she came to the Pharisee's house to see the Savior.  Obviously they knew each other and the Pharisee wasn't fond of her. She didn't care that she wasn't invited (the Pharisee didn't seem the type to invite her kind to his home, vs. 39.) She paid no attention to what the men in the room thought of her as she knelt at the Savior's feet and wept.

Her love for Jesus and faith in Him outweighed her fear of men.

Her love for Jesus brought her to His feet, to tears and to forgiveness and peace.

She loved Him much; and because of that she was forgiven much.

Given the chance, I would kneel at His feet and do the same.  That will probably not happen in my lifetime.  But, I can still follow this woman's example still.

I can make my love for the Savior stronger than my fear of men.  I can live boldly.  (My husband calls it being "conspicuously LDS.")  I can sacrifice my time and my possessions for Him. I can follow where He leads. I can go where He goes. I can weep when I kneel down to pray.  I can love Him much.

I am a sinner, like the woman in this story, but there is hope. As I have faith and love Him much, I can be forgiven much.  And then I can find peace.